Gaining Control of Your Anger

Rick Van Haveren, Ph.D.
678-462-3833

Anger, a common and normal human emotion, can be related to several different factors. Some may have learned to express anger in dangerous or harmful ways such as hitting others or smashing objects through a process called modeling—watching others’ actions and mimicking them. Others may have developed maladaptive thinking patterns that lead them to feel angry. Finally, some people may have an anger-related physiological or genetic predisposition.

Problems arise when individuals are unable to cope with anger. Fortunately, there are many strategies you can use to control your anger:

Develop an Internal Anger Scale

Become aware of your emotions at a "1" (low intensity), "5" (medium intensity), and "10" (very intense feelings). From here you can assess your anger level in any given situation and intervene before you act out in an explosive or harmful way.

Restructure Your Thoughts: Examine the statements you tell yourself (known as "self-talk"). For example, when someone cuts you off in traffic do you respond by saying "that is sure annoying" and let it go, or do you become enraged and honk your horn after telling yourself "people should not cut me off; that’s rude."

Practice Relaxation: Strategies such as progressive muscle relaxation, deep breathing, and visualization can be utilized to help you relax.

Learn New Ways to Express Anger: Spend some time reflecting on how you learned to express anger. How did your role models express anger? Identify maladaptive strategies you learned and replace them with more healthy coping strategies.

Exercise: Physical exercise can allow you to act on aggressive tendencies in an appropriate way. It can also serve as a distracter from whatever it is that’s bothering you. Finally, physical exercise or yoga-type exercise can help your body to relax.

Conflict Resolution: Learn to express yourself in an assertive, not aggressive, way. Allow yourself to express what you are feeling but try to avoid overreacting to situations or acting in a way that may not productive (i.e., slamming your fist, keeping your thoughts to yourself).