Do not make promises you can’t keep. Many times parents want to tell their kids that things will not happen. Assure them that things are being done to prevent them from happening and the likelihood of things happening is low, but when promises are made that are not kept, it can leave in indelible mark on a person for life. Trust is a very sacred emotion.
Limit the time that you allow your children to be exposed to the media. Since they may have a limited ability to understand, they can take things out of context and create misconceptions of reality that could contribute to their fears.
Explain in as simple terms as you can what has happened to your children. Because they do not have a well-developed sense of size or proximity, they often feel that world events are happening right around the corner. Help them to see the vastness of the world and try to help them understand distance and location. Do not think that because your children are small that they cannot understand world events. It is how we explain things to our kids often that determines what they understand.
Listen to their fears. Let them talk about them. Ask them where they get their information or why they believe what they do. Do not tell them to be quiet or that they do not know what they are talking about. Talking often helps them get the feelings out and by listening, you will know how to help them correct their thinking.
Speak calmly to your children when they have questions. Sometimes, kids will ask the same question or make the same comment over and over, resulting in parents becoming frustrated and/or angry with them. Reacting with anger will only "scare their feelings back inside", where they can fester. The more you can encourage them to talk, the more that you will understand, and they will feel more powerful, loved and accepted.
Take time to talk to someone. Talk about your fears, and pains with someone you trust. If you hold in your emotions, they will build up and affect your stress and behaviors. You can only help your family as much as you can help yourself.
Talk to your kids about what you are feeling. Do not pour your heart out, but let them know that you feel sad, fearful, helpless, powerless angry... They are only feelings. It is what we do when we feel them that affects our sense of power. If you model to them that you can talk about your emotions, then they will feel more comfortable doing the same.
Your kids may have nightmares and fantastical thoughts of catastrophes during the day. Listen to their nightmares and "day-mares" and let them talk about them. Help them distinguish between reality and fantasy.
Your kids and you may be more short-tempered and irritable. Stress will strongly affect our tolerance levels and that of our kids. Work to be patient and take breaks when you may need them. If you do lose your temper, let your kids know that it is not them, but that you are stressed and will work hard not to take it out on them. Take responsibility for your actions and your kids will be more likely to do the same. Help them to talk through the factors that could be influencing their behaviors.
Symptoms of anxiety and depression can surface long after the events have subsided. Be aware of this and get help when necessary. Uncontrollable crying, fears of separation, cycling emotions, changes in sleeping and eating patterns, headaches and other muscle aches, stomach problems, falling grades… can all be signs of underlying emotional problems. Do not minimize these symptoms in you, your spouse or your child. As a parent, you do not have to have all the answers. Ask for help. The quicker you address these problems, the sooner you can continue living.
There are many times that we cannot control our emotions. We should not expect to. They are necessary for us to live, and it is important to understand and listen to what they are telling us. Teach your kids the same. Feel the emotions, do not get caught up in them, discuss them and keep living. Help your kids to do the same.
Let your children know that they have the power to live their life differently than the people who commit harmful acts. Each of us has the power to choose how we live our lives. Collectively, we can make the world a different place to live. Believe in the power of yourself and take responsibility for your contribution to your family and the world.
Be Well and Be Safe.
